12-Debbie

A patient talking to an anesthesiologist prior to surgery: Doc: So where are you from? Patient: I'm from up north. I'm not used to all this traffic here. My name ain't Debbie and I don't do Dallas.

#11

So, this isn't a first hand experience but I thought it was too funny not to add. A OR nurse was telling me the story of his own cardioversion. He said he doesn't remember a thing but was told that after he was shocked he yelled, "KICK ASS!"

10

In a thick Spanish accent:
I'm alive?
yes.
I'm not dead?
no.
I'm not in heaven?
no, not today.

9

I had a patient with Downs Syndrome. He was bilingual. What's my excuse?

8

My patient today didn't believe she had surgery and she was in the recovery room. She kept saying, "I don't think my surgery is done. This is a dream". After convincing her about 5 times she finally realized she wasn't in a dream.

7-The Pilot

I had a guy today I will never forget. He had lots of sayings. He was a chatter box, non stop talking. He kept saying, "I don't know why I'm telling you this." He was in PACU for 30 minutes and I knew the following things:

He used to be a cop where he got addicted to drinking coffee because the local Duncan Donuts gave it to cops for free. He had a partner whose son's girlfriend worked at said Duncan donuts. He is now a commercial pilot for a "beer guy". He flies at 45,000 feet. Normal airlines can't go that high. He has 6 grandchildren. Some of the ages are 13, 7, 4 and 1 month. One of his daughters has 4 of those children. She is a nurse who worked at Baylor then and Oncology doctors office and now she's a school nurse. She had been a nurse for 6 or 7 years. He was a foster child who was sent to church alone. He would ride the elevators up and down then sneak into the adult Sunday school rooms and steal the coffee and donuts. He was 7. His mom put his siblings into foster care because she "was crazy" and now she has altzheimers. She used to tell him something but I can't remember what it was. His wife has never drank a drop of alcohol in her life and she hates when he drinks. This is some of the crazy stuff he said.




"Did I sleep?"

Like a baby.

So I woke up every 1-2 hours?

Yep, and crying for your bottle.




Did I snore?




Upon leaving the PACU seeing other patients sleeping:

Well this is a hot bed a place of joviality is it?




I fly for a "beer guy". Maybe I should drink more.

or maybe less.

I don't drink unless I'm flying. Flying makes me nervous.

6

Older gentleman talking to a younger nurse about how he likes to race vintage cars:

"Want to go for a ride in my Cobra?"

5

Did I do anything embarassing? Like soil myself?

4

This actually took place with an inpatient pre-op patient that was about to go back to the OR:

Anesthesia resident: Ok, hugs and kisses...not for me for the patient.

3.

Patient: Are you an Angel?
Me: No!
Patient:I'm not in heaven?
me: Not today.

2.

After the patient was informed his cardioversion was complete:
Patient: Can I play the piano now?
Me:sure!
Patient: Wow, I couldn't play the piano before!

1

Oh, I can pee in a jug.