6

Older gentleman talking to a younger nurse about how he likes to race vintage cars:

"Want to go for a ride in my Cobra?"

5

Did I do anything embarassing? Like soil myself?

4

This actually took place with an inpatient pre-op patient that was about to go back to the OR:

Anesthesia resident: Ok, hugs and kisses...not for me for the patient.

3.

Patient: Are you an Angel?
Me: No!
Patient:I'm not in heaven?
me: Not today.

2.

After the patient was informed his cardioversion was complete:
Patient: Can I play the piano now?
Me:sure!
Patient: Wow, I couldn't play the piano before!

1

Oh, I can pee in a jug.