Ladies Man

Nurse: We are just going to put your gown back on.
Patient: Yeah, you better or the ladies will be all over me.

13

After patient woke up from sedation:
Patient: I didn't tell you guys that I was a personal injury lawyer.
Me: I wouldn't have done anything different.
Patient: That a girl.

12-Debbie

A patient talking to an anesthesiologist prior to surgery: Doc: So where are you from? Patient: I'm from up north. I'm not used to all this traffic here. My name ain't Debbie and I don't do Dallas.

#11

So, this isn't a first hand experience but I thought it was too funny not to add. A OR nurse was telling me the story of his own cardioversion. He said he doesn't remember a thing but was told that after he was shocked he yelled, "KICK ASS!"

10

In a thick Spanish accent:
I'm alive?
yes.
I'm not dead?
no.
I'm not in heaven?
no, not today.

9

I had a patient with Downs Syndrome. He was bilingual. What's my excuse?

8

My patient today didn't believe she had surgery and she was in the recovery room. She kept saying, "I don't think my surgery is done. This is a dream". After convincing her about 5 times she finally realized she wasn't in a dream.